Overload and Reboot

It can be very overwhelming. There is so much information out there, some of it is accurate, and most of it is fluff. I know for me, my first month in the community I was a keyboard jockey. I read and watched and absorbed as much information as possible, and at the end of it all, I had no idea what was going on!

I had studied so much information that my brain was overloaded. When I starting going out in the field there was so much knowledge in my head that I didn’t know how to sort it all out. I had everything from Cocky/Funny lines, to routines stacks, to negs, to transitions, and everything in between up there.

I would walk into a venue and automatically look for the first set to open. OK now transition, DHV, look for IOIs, qualify, wont qualify? OK back to DHV, now she qualifies, on to comfort, and then compliance test. She wont comply! Back to comfort, crap I’m losing her. There she goes, off with her friends. Not to mention that the entire time I am also trying to focus on eye contact, body language, and kino. I’m sorry but for that was too much, I just couldn’t do it.

The male mind has 4-6 areas of the brain that handle tasking. This is why we can only do about 2-4 things at a time. Women, on the other hand, have 14-16 areas designated to multi-tasking! Hence why they can watch T.V., talk on the phone, paint their nails, and still tell the kids dinner is in the oven. This is why women can walk into a room, and within the first minute, she can tell you who is going out with who, who is sleeping with who, who is angry with who, and who likes who. It’s quite amazing actually.

Does this mean that for us guys, all hope is lost? Not at all

The Four Levels of Competence:
1. Unconscious incompetence
2. Conscious incompetence
3. Conscious competence
4. Unconscious competence

• Unconscious Incompetence – You DO NOT know what you are doing wrong
• Conscious Incompetence – You DO know what you are doing wrong
• Conscious Competence – You realize that you are doing right
• Conscious Incompetence – You DO NOT think about what you are doing right (internalized)

As you can see you are only conscious for two and three. This means that instead of dwelling on the unconscious parts, especially four, rather you should be focusing on what you KNOW and not what you DON’T. Many people figure out what they do correctly and then stick on only that, which leads to stagnation and stunts growth.

If we consider that we are only conscious for two out of the four acts, then logically it would make sense to focus on those parts only. We also know that we can only conscious focus on roughly 2-4 tasks that once. Now what does this mean for us? It means that we can make social artistry much simpler.

At first, as many of you know, this whole process can be very overwhelming. This is a way to make it simpler. First sit down and get off the computer. Chances are you know al the theory there is to know. Now look inside and figure out what you do wrong, and write it down! Dig deep to find every single tiny one. You have now reached level two, you understand what you are doing wrong.

Since the male mind can only focus on 2-4 tasks at once, pick only 2-4! There is no point in trying to work on everything at once; your mind cannot handle it. This technique is referred to as “small chunking”. It also makes sense to start at the bottom, work first on your opening skills. A house will not stand with out a strong foundation.

So as an example we’ll use kino and body language. So your not comfortable with touching people and giving negative body language. Next time you go out “exaggerate to calibrate”. What this means is that if you were afraid to touch people, don’t stop touching them. You will be pleasantly surprised at how much you can get away with. Or escalate faster, or both, it doesn’t matter. Once you have realized what does work, you have now reached level three, conscious competence. You know understand what to do right, so continue doing it. You reach level four when you stop thinking about what it is you have been working on, it has now become internalized. Does this mean you done? Should you stay where you are? NO! Move onto the next sticking point.

The main idea here is to “small chunk”. Instead of trying to focus on every aspect of an interaction at once, take it in pieces, start small and stay small. My thought process is no longer, open, rock back, transition, lock-in, DHV, qualify. She won’t qualify? Crap, back to DHV, negative body language and neg. Ok she just qualified, isolate. But her friends are there. Strong eye contact, build up and DHV friends. All right isolate and build comfort. No this process is way to complicated and confusing. Instead I open, its unconscious now, I banter and turn away, internalized, then my mind clicks on, touch. Touch the shoulder first; pull away before she pushes away. Next hug, arm around shoulder. See I am now only focused on one thing and my thought process is centered on it. This makes my life a lot easier and a lot simpler. The key to my thought process is “small chunking”.

Hope this helps!